the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
