I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
