OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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