legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
