do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
