listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
