Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
