what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
