I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
