I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
