Whod you bang
Kiss
Puke
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
