i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
