guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
