While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
