Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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