This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
