I think I died a long time ago.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
