I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
