This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
