Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
