I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
