Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
