no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
