If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
