the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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