You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think i got beer on your cat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
