I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
