I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
