you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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