At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
