Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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