u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
