u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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