I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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