i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just cut my nipple shaving
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the barista slut.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
