Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She told me I should be a condom model.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
