I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
