I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
