tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
