nut hugger
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
