So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
