I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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