also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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