Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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