1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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