i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
