I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've blown a few things in my day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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