Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
