Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
