YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
