So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize