Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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