she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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