I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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