i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
