How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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