My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
