Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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