Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
