dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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