Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
