My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
