Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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