broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Rumble strips road head = magical
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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