Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
