Ambien. No doubt about it.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize