I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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