were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize