I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
