The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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