matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
