She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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