arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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