Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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