I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
