Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
