Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
