I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
