Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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