So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize