Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
