these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
