whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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