peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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