I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's like iHOP with fire
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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