I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize