Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
