I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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