DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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