The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can I color on your dick again?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize