No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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