It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
