could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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