Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
