its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
